Fatherhood (by Jefferson)

A few weeks ago, I was asked to give a talk in our small congregation in Yaounde about fatherhood and the father's role in the family. I thought for several days about what I should say. One of the things I wanted to address was child abuse, because hitting and beating children is so common here. I tried to think about how I could tell the Cameroonian fathers that they should not beat their children, without sounding like a holier-than-thou white man. I've heard often enough that beating children (and wives for that matter) is the "African way" and a part of their culture.

Well, the truth is there are parts of all of our cultures - mine, too! - that are simply unhealthy and destructive to the family. Because the family is so vital to God's plan for us, the forces of evil are focused on destroying it, whether in Africa, or America, or anywhere. The challenge of following Christ in today's world is to find those things which seem so normal and natural but that are actually obstacles to living full, happy lives. It's definitely not always easy to see these kinds of things in one's own culture.

In my talk I told the classic Aesop fable of the North Wind and the Sun. The North Wind claims to be more powerful than the Sun and challenges the Sun to a contest - who can force the coat off of a weary traveler passing by. The Wind blows and blows, ever more violently, to blow the coat off. But the traveler wraps the coat tighter and tighter around himself to keep warm. The Sun takes its turn, and gently warms the traveler with its rays, until finally he takes off the coat. The moral: Kindness and warmth are more effective than force and violence in getting others to do what you want.

Jesus' life exemplified this story. While violence surrounded him (stoning was common punishment in his culture and people cried out for crucifixion - a horrific capital punishment), he showed warmth, kindness, and love. Jesus explained (I'm paraphrasing) that it's easy to love your friends who love you back, but that we should even love those who despise us. If we can't treat our children with love - our children who loves us naturally, unconditionally, completely - how can we attain the kind of perfect love Christ taught?

I think the fathers understood my message. And I've been thinking how I can be more patient, more gentle, more "sunny" in my relationship with my kids, too.